July 2, 2013 > Inspiring teachers DO make a difference
Inspiring teachers DO make a difference
I felt so hopeless. Nothing seemed to matter; there was just no way out. I just felt stuck.
At home, I constantly fought with my parents who were about to get a divorce; my family seemed to be falling apart. In school, betrayals, rumors and peer pressure were more than I could handle. I had no one to trust or seek for advice or ask for help. In addition, I was always getting picked on for being small and told that I was weak and clumsy. I became withdrawn and started to hang around with wrong crowd.
I hated myself! I felt stupid and useless all the time.
How did I deal with it all? By pretending... smiling on the outside but crushed on the inside.
I remember hating the moment I woke up and had to go to school. When I went home after school, I locked myself inside my room. Then, in the dark, I found a corner and cried myself to sleep. It felt so painful. There was no one that understood how I felt or anybody that I could talk to. So, all the negative thoughts told me, "Why don't I just kill myself?"
I was a sophomore in high school when I first attempted to commit suicide.
I took a sharp object and start cutting my arm close to my wrist. Every time I dug into my skin, I should have felt the pain, but I didn't feel anything, so I kept cutting until I bled. Finally, I broke down and cried. I was scared. I was confused and hurt. I repeated this routine many times... I was barely getting by each day.
One day, I was introduced to Great Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim. During my first meeting with her, she told me, "You have the power in you. Whatever you do in your life is your personal choice... He can do, she can do, why not me?" Those words became my fuel when I faced difficult challenges. That message saved my life.
Asked to consider Martial Art training, I said to myself, "No Way!" I had no athletic ability, couldn't run, do pushups or basic fitness! I was very much a "girly-girl." I was into fashion and painting my nails, wearing dresses and joining beauty pageants. Martial Arts was definitely not for me.
However, I started to realize that martial arts could make me stronger - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It wasn't easy, but I loved every minute of training. It took six years, but I finally earned my Black Belt. Today, I am a first degree black belt at Jung SuWon Super Martial Art Academy. Who would have known that a girly-girl and a lost soul like me would ever find a way to change my life and live life striving to become a stronger and better person?